Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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