Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You made out with two different species that night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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