Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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