Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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