you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
