All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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