I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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