I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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