the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
