So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
