Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize