yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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