i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
