i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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