I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
