You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
