Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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