Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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