but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
