His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
