So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
