We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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