Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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