i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
