So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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