You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
