No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
