One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
