Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
