Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Boobs are out for the taking
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
