Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
