She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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