since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
