my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
