just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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