She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
