his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize