i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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