Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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