Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
