Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
