He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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