I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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