Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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