I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
