Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
