Dude my mom stole all your condoms
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
