she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
