I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
