She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
