I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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