wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
