Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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