I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He passed out mid-signature
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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