i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
