hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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