I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
tell me about the eggs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
