I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
