She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
false alarm, still single
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