soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
