i was born a porn star she said
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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