I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
