I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
