At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
