I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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