Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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