i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
