I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
