just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
