She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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