I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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