If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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