Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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